Dark moment

Today I am 25 years old. I can barely compare myself to who I used to be when I wrote this blog years ago. I have always had my dark and blue moments but at this point they are taking control over my days. I seem to have lost hope... my routine has become so boring and tiring I don't know how I've managed to go on until now..

What I am going to write next is something I wrote on my job's notebook... Honestly I was so depressed my handwriting is awful...

"I'm going through such a bad moment I can barely recognise myself. Everyday it's become harder and harder to get myself outta bed, my body aches and I can hardly bear the pain. It's hard to pretend to be OK and days like today it's even hard to find the motivation to try and look normal... I just don't feel like it. I just would like to take some sleeping pills and disappear from the world a few hours... How come I became such a depressing person? I used to be so bright and happy... Wherever I went people seemed to be glad by my positive energy. I also used to really believe bad energy could be transformed into good energy and that being positive would solve the bad things in your life... but it seems I used up all of my positivity and run out of energy completely. Even writing is such a big deal and you can tell by just looking at my handwriting I'm not in my best moment. My hand already hurts too much to keep on going..."

wow, much negativity. I have nothing else to say but I suck at being happy and OK now. It's such a weird and stable moment to come to such a lame condition.

Duh... what dummy human I am.