Being diagnosed, whatever you have, changes your life for the better :)
Ok. So a few months ago I wrote a really depressing note, describing how terribly tired and sore I felt. Well, now everything from the pain to the fatigue has a name and an explanation: LUPUS.
Since I was diagnosed everything has been easier for me to cope with. All of the weird symptoms for someone so young as me started to make some sort of sense, and I started to really feel lucky when I researched more on this strange chronic illness.
My symptoms are subtle compared to the ones other people suffering from Lupus have to cope with. I am lucky, really lucky it has only impacted me more on the emotional aspects, because some people have their internal organs affected, and thus, their lives. My lupus is really kind to me. I feel tired, but not exhausted, I feel depressed but not entirely hopeless. My joints hurt daily and it is hard to me to get up the stairs, but luckily at my job there is an elevator, so I don't have to suffer that much. My kidneys hurt sometimes but the last time I had an ultrasound done my doctor said my kidneys were lovely and beautiful hehehe so it means they are functioning ok. My skin has been problematic sometimes, from time to time it's covered with bright red spots and weals, but it doesn't hurt or itches that much, and it can be covered with makeup. My joints are a pain most of the time but it doesn't stop me from living my life normally. I don't jump or run as before, but I take it as an alarm from my body, telling me 'Stop for a while, calm down. Life is long and you are still young.'
So this journey of having been diagnosed with Lupus has been mostly positive, more than negative. I have learnt to see life through a new perspective, and to be grateful of what I have. I am in a privileged position compared to other people. Also it has helped me be aware of the tremendous support network that is around me: My family and partner have been vital, and my friends cheer me up so much -they even told me lupus is what I needed in my life, and that it makes me look hotter- hehehe. Also I am in a metal band, and Lupus has not stopped me from enjoying life and music. On the contrary, it has helped me enjoy life more, because now my life is somehow threatened. If I do not take proper care of myself I will die. Like, really die soon. It is true that anyone can die if they don't have a healthy lifestyle, but my case is different. If I don't take things easy and calm down a bit, my body is going to collapse and Lupus will no longer be kind to me, and it will turn into a bitch that bites my internal organs. I don't want that.
The only thing that really makes me sad is that I am not sure I will be able to have children of my own. I know there are a lot of people with lupus that have children, but for me it will be very difficult. Specially because my arms hurt a friggin' lot when I hold my baby niece u_u will I ever be able to carry a baby the whole night through when they start to cry? Will I be able to cope with the symptoms of my illness plus the pregnancy's? Will my baby survive inside of such a defective body? These are questions that invade me sometimes, but life is beautiful in many different ways and there's always an alternative way for everything, so I am determined to form a family one way or another.
Life is good anyways, having Lupus or not, but I think in my case Lupus is more a blessing than a curse. It has brought me what my life needed, some SELFAWARENESS. I love myself more and better.
Since I was diagnosed everything has been easier for me to cope with. All of the weird symptoms for someone so young as me started to make some sort of sense, and I started to really feel lucky when I researched more on this strange chronic illness.
My symptoms are subtle compared to the ones other people suffering from Lupus have to cope with. I am lucky, really lucky it has only impacted me more on the emotional aspects, because some people have their internal organs affected, and thus, their lives. My lupus is really kind to me. I feel tired, but not exhausted, I feel depressed but not entirely hopeless. My joints hurt daily and it is hard to me to get up the stairs, but luckily at my job there is an elevator, so I don't have to suffer that much. My kidneys hurt sometimes but the last time I had an ultrasound done my doctor said my kidneys were lovely and beautiful hehehe so it means they are functioning ok. My skin has been problematic sometimes, from time to time it's covered with bright red spots and weals, but it doesn't hurt or itches that much, and it can be covered with makeup. My joints are a pain most of the time but it doesn't stop me from living my life normally. I don't jump or run as before, but I take it as an alarm from my body, telling me 'Stop for a while, calm down. Life is long and you are still young.'
So this journey of having been diagnosed with Lupus has been mostly positive, more than negative. I have learnt to see life through a new perspective, and to be grateful of what I have. I am in a privileged position compared to other people. Also it has helped me be aware of the tremendous support network that is around me: My family and partner have been vital, and my friends cheer me up so much -they even told me lupus is what I needed in my life, and that it makes me look hotter- hehehe. Also I am in a metal band, and Lupus has not stopped me from enjoying life and music. On the contrary, it has helped me enjoy life more, because now my life is somehow threatened. If I do not take proper care of myself I will die. Like, really die soon. It is true that anyone can die if they don't have a healthy lifestyle, but my case is different. If I don't take things easy and calm down a bit, my body is going to collapse and Lupus will no longer be kind to me, and it will turn into a bitch that bites my internal organs. I don't want that.
The only thing that really makes me sad is that I am not sure I will be able to have children of my own. I know there are a lot of people with lupus that have children, but for me it will be very difficult. Specially because my arms hurt a friggin' lot when I hold my baby niece u_u will I ever be able to carry a baby the whole night through when they start to cry? Will I be able to cope with the symptoms of my illness plus the pregnancy's? Will my baby survive inside of such a defective body? These are questions that invade me sometimes, but life is beautiful in many different ways and there's always an alternative way for everything, so I am determined to form a family one way or another.
Life is good anyways, having Lupus or not, but I think in my case Lupus is more a blessing than a curse. It has brought me what my life needed, some SELFAWARENESS. I love myself more and better.
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